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oh hey see that house to the left of the tree? oh yeah I'll be there come January 15 (9 hours before CA hits Jan 15) for about 10 weeks.... which is one Mount Hermon Summer.... and a lot of stuff can happen in a summer at MH

and the seasons go round and round

The weather has come to my favorite time of the year.... it has cooled and the leaves are starting to fall. Autumn has returned and my time at MH is coming to an end.... yet again.
The end of summer has been interesting. Much more community within the departments and some of my strongest friends from this summer come from the most unlikely of sources and its really sad to see them go off into the real world. These past two weeks have been a lot of hanging out with my fellow interns which is always a homecoming of sorts. Its nice to be surrounded by people who just know you. And even though its good to fall into the click of interns I know I've had to spend time with my other friends.
I have 10 days left in the internship and 14 days left in Santa Cruz. This time I have plans... well sorta and I've finally come to the point if God wants me to come back to this place I will but I hope I get a break from working here for awhile. Lompoc might not be the best place for me to stay but for the next 4 months I've got to stick it out and just face the obstacles that come at me.... like finding a new church, and a job, and even making some ties to it other than my family. After these 4 months I really have no clue when I'll be back.... I might sound like a broken record but its just wierd to be in this time.... Nothing is permant right now. The only "for sure" thing right now is Spain and that is even frightening at times.
Sometime this summer, during a summer staff worhip, someone told us to remember this time in out lives. To write it down. The ancient Israelites made these stone altars to remember the works that God had done in thier lifes. To be visual reminders so that they could give praise to the Almighty. This person, I think it was a staff pastor, encouraged us to write down what we had seen this summer so that we could look back and give praise to God for what we have seen and done this summer. I have neglected to do that this summer but maybe before I pass my torch off.... maybe in the 4 days I have of nothing before I leave this town I have called home for the past 3 years I ought to start writing down the good and the bad I have seen in my times and give my thanks to the God who brought me out to other side a better and stronger person than I was at the begining. My life has not always been enjoyable but it has been good and I will continue to give God all the glory irregardless of where I go....

the predicament which is here and now

This picture was taken in one of my favorite places in Seattle. That was a crazy trip I took there about 6 weeks ago and at this park it was the most peace that I felt during thaqt whole trip. Its just nice to be in a place of peace.

This summer hasn't been peaceful at all.... and thats very sad for me. I feel like I am constantly doing this wrong. No one has ever told me otherwise. I'm tired of not being treated like a decent human being.... espeacially by other Christians. Its almost over though.... My mom pointed out to me that God seems to put me in these situations pretty often so maybe this summer is one of just learning to deal with it and to depend on God more. Which is hard on me but I know I can.

Spain is only 6 months away. And now its just hit that I'll have to actually get a job when I go back home. Which won't be too bad.... I'm gonna try get a seasonal job for a department store or maybe even the craft store. I think I could handle a craft store much more than a department store. I'm really hoping someone will hire me before I have to go to a fast food resturant. Specially since I would like to actually travel and be able to you know.... eat when I get there. And there is a possibility of Eastern Europe next summer.... I just need to get a jump start on that sucker.

I can't really get into the heartache thats happened this summer but I figure I'll be a stronger person come September. And I know that I cannot focus on the future and ignore the present. Right now I am seeking Gods voice for a decision that I would rather just not make... I'd rather just run away...

Second session at CNW starts in 7 days... apparently its time for me to cut off my turks head. It's been a year since its been burned on. Its sorta hard to let go of something that has been apart of you yet not noticable.... it should be an interesting time

mish mash

well Summer is officially here... Since I last wrote I've been traveling the west coast, moving into dorms, and trying to make sense of my life. I also have been accepted into a Bible school in Spain.... so starting in January I will be living in Spain for about 10 weeks. It should be interesting.
I don't have much to say right now other than I've been struggling with God's will for my life for this summer. I am so very tired of being where I'm at.... I honestly feel like sleeping for days at a time. I'm also struggling with the concept of grace. I can only say I am really struggling with where I am at and no one here really seems to get it.

the choices you make

Life has been steady in the intern house for these past few months... something clicked in Janurary and we've been going pretty strong ever since. We've clicked as a family finally. Its moving steadily along at MH. Summer is fast approaching. As I was driving back with some friends from dinner I realized it was almost 7pm and the sun hadn't even set yet. Summer is so close but at least its 2 months away. I'm going to Seattle in May to see old friends and campers from this past summer. My life has changed so much since last June... Since last September. People have been commenting on how I've grown and changed. Its wierd to get these compliments but oddly refrenshing. I know I've changed and I'm glad I have. If I was still the same person that I was 3 years ago... I really don't want to think about it.
I thought of an ex boyfriend today.... He wasn't the last guy I date but some one I had dated in high school... He is actually the only guy I have ever dated that... in all honesty I would date again. God just suddenly placed him on my heart and I just think of.... how it was a honor to be blessed by him for the short while we dated and kept in contect. And he's also the only guy I don't refer to by name if I do talk about him to others. Thats just my way of respecting him... so that people don't get him confused with the last guy I dated. I honestly miss hs bf.... He was a good guy and I wish we would have stayed together, at least as friends. He's the reason why I didn't go to Sac State. I was dating another guy when I got that acceptance letter to the school and I thought if I went to school I didn't know what would happen with hs bf. I probably would have gone out with him if he would have asked me.Life would have been so different if i had gone to Sac State. I can't even fathom what my life would have been like. Probably no Mount Hermon, No Jewish community, no me as I am now. But probably hs bf.... he would probably been in my life some way.
I wonder why God puts people on your hearts during random times. Is it to pray for them? Are they thinking of you? Why do they just strike your heart and mkae you wish so much that they were just there with you? I miss him sometimes... specially when God puts him on my heart. I wish things would have been different.... I wish I had made different choices..... choices that would have kept him in my life longer.... Just to see what God would have done with him.

Now I know God works in mysterious ways... and if God deems fit... hs bf just might make a come back in my life. I know today I said a prayer for him... just to thank God for putting him in my life and to keep him safe and well. Whatever God does with me I will still praise Him. I will be thankful under all circumstances. I am honestly not looking for love in that way right now. If it happens, it happens but I'm not searching for it like I use to. My life is good just the way it is... living here in MH with my intern family. I'm finally glad God has placed me here.

another summer staff application

So today I am filling out my Summer Staff application for MH yet again. Its sorta a technicality... I should have to but since all interns are going to be summer staff during the summer we need to be put into the system and have to fill out an application. I think back about how anxious I was to fill out this application in 07... I was so ready to just leave my hometown and get out. I already had thought that if I didn't get accepted to UCSC this time (this was my second time applying) I was going to go and train to be a park ranger. I was already looking at what I needed to be accpeted into that program. But a summer working at a camp sounded like fun and was something I had always wanted to do. God has a funny way of putting us in places where we need to be. I really needed that summer to connect and form some really friendships and just mentally prepare to leave home for real, to depend on others not just myself, and to realize that a relationship with my then current bf wasn't really needed. 07 was a good year for me... the next 08 was hard... so very hard. I should have realized then how slow of a processor I was... A lot of emotions came out during that summer. But still in the end it was still good for me. I made friends with some girls who I won't ever let go. They are way too good for me and I love 'em to death.
In 09 I had mixed feelings about MH. I sorta wanted to be there but I also didn't want to. So I applied to 3 other camps. I expected at least an interview from MH.... and I didn't get one. I got offered a job at Nor'Wester. I was sad to leave and angry that I hadn't even gotten an interview for the job. And Nor'Wester was an expierence... for the most part good yet it wasn't great. I miss it though and I honestly wish I was applying for craft shop there insted of book shop here.

This time around... I just feel so upset. I feel like I am just ranting... against God, against MH about what they have done to me. This is not what I wanted for this year... but as a person of faith I have to believe that God wants me here for a reason. I hope this summer is good and the only thing I'll have to complain about is the food. I hope I'll get to share my story with some people... strenghtn bonds with old friends and make some new ones. I hope God helps me with this past year and bending to His will.... because after this I don't know if I'll be at MH anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be coming back. I know for sure I am going on a vacation (Austria here I come!) but other than that.... I have an open ear and an open heart to see where I'm headed. I hope its an adventure and I hope its God filled. I know God is good and I know He does wonders... you just have to look for them.

and now a message from our sponsors....

Well the year has turned and it has come to my attention that I do not update nearly as often as I should.... but life is hetic and I often don't think that my owrds would do much good to the rest of the world. But hopefully in this next year this little blog will get some attention and be put to good use.

Intern life is interesting as always. I don't think I have fully adjusted to living life in e-green but in all honesty I don't think I ever will adjust to being here with some many people. Its oddly comofrting to come to the conclusion at long last. Drama floats around like pollen in lompton but eh you need to take it with a grain of salt. I was involved in some but in all honesty today I just got fed up with my involvement and stopped.... just stopped. Francesca Battistelli has a song on her cd that says "I'm letting go to the life I planned for me and my dreams...." which in all honesty I have done. Its left me feeling a little defeated and uncomfertable but maybe thats where God wants me right now. I need to better balance my life between work/mh and the outside world. I attended a missionary conference in Rocklin a week ago and someone referred to mh as "a missionay compound". I was taken aback by this statement but I realized its very true. We sorta just hang out and let the people come to us. I don't really know if this is a good or a bad thing..... but I think I need to get out more.

The store has been doing inventory for the past 3 days and we are finally done. I don't think counting will come easily to me for awhile but other than that I escaped with only some cabin fever. 2010 has started and this looks to be an interesting year to say the least. I'm excited to see where God has me at the end. My internship is up in September and I've been telling everyone that I have been looking forward to a vacation after my internship ends. No plans yet for after the vacation... hopefully something exciting and new.

I'll be writing more often and probably posting some on my knitting if I can ever finsh anything. My brain is a little scattered and I need to finish some projects.... problem is I just keep starting new ones. whoops...