Can I just say that New Years has almost always been anti climatic for me? I had sometime to just reflect on this past year and I have to say that wow this year has definately been well overall bad but its had its perks. I've made some great friends and had some good times but wow it had just been bad. I've realized that this new year coming up.... well its sorta freeing. I have one plan.... maybe something else but I'm not sure..... but other than that nothing. And its sorta cool. I'm looking forward to just seeing what happens this year. I'm hoping for grand adventures, staying close with old freinds, and maybe making some new ones.
So in 14 days I'll be in Spain... no honestly. I will be in Madrid for a 5 hour layover probably making a late night call to EmiB to wish her a happy birthday.... that reminds me I need to get a calling card. And to be honest it really hasn't hit me yet. The money wire finally went out on thursday I think and as far as I know I'm actually in... paid up etc. It'll be me and the canadians really really soon. If anyone thought my eh were bad after spending a summer on the islands well wait till I get back from Spain it'll be eh like every day all day. I'm hoping that the excitement hits sometime soon.
God is good and true. Even thought this past year has been crap He has shown what His love truly means. I've spent much more time this year being stressed out, pissed off, worried, and confused than any time in my life but God has always been the light in my life. I don't ever want to have a year like this in my life ever again but like I've said before its also been so good by showing me what true freinds are and how God is faithful. I'm hoping this next year is better but it might not be....
So heres to lessons learned, adventures had, love lived, and roads traveled. Heres to 2011 and the new things that come....
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
wondering and searching
can I just say that I have been looking for one savings bond for like the past 3 days and it seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.... I've seen it in the past 3 months so I know its here.... I'll find you you little squirt.
I've been pondering my time after Bible school. I found out yesterday that I wasn't accepted into the internship I applied for, which is okay. Gods will not mines. But it does bug me out cus I had the off chance of being able to travel after that and now I don't have the money to travel... which sucks. beh. I still haven't bought my plane ticket back yet. I'm still figuring out what I'm gonna do after school ends... I just don't feel led to do anything. Some ideas have come up but I don't know what will work out or what Gods plan is just yet.
People keep telling me to travel after my time in school is done and I would just like it to be known that traveling is very expensive. Train tickets are somewhat rediculous (or at least the ones I've been looking at) and I whole wish I could get a rail pass but unless God sends me one from Heaven.... the only train I'll be taking is from Alacante to Madrid (maybe Toledo its on the way to Madrid). Scratch that... The mysteries of the spaish railway system were just revealed. It was a round trip ticket I was looking at and it was one way. woot for travel! Still trying to figure things out though.
Like I said I've been wondering about after school.... I'll need to get a job somewhere but I don't think I'll want to be in Lompoc long. I've been thinking about moving to Seattle for awhile but I would definately need to find a job up there before I moved. I need to figure out whats going on with this subbing thing. I plan on calling them when they get back to school so then at least I could get subbing when I get back and save up some money that way while applying to schools. My mom brought up the idea of moving to a different country for awhile and I might check that out, I could teach english overseas and with some subbing it would make it easier to porcure a job. I'm just waiting for God to help me out. If something happens while I'm in Spain... well I just might stay in Europe for awhile and this is my fair warning to everyone.
So right now I'm praying for Gods guidance and hoping He'll show me what to do or where to look. I don't think I'll be going back to MH next summer. I'm going to apply to another camp just as back up and we'll see where it goes. but other than that thats all.... its 3 weeks till I leave.
I've been pondering my time after Bible school. I found out yesterday that I wasn't accepted into the internship I applied for, which is okay. Gods will not mines. But it does bug me out cus I had the off chance of being able to travel after that and now I don't have the money to travel... which sucks. beh. I still haven't bought my plane ticket back yet. I'm still figuring out what I'm gonna do after school ends... I just don't feel led to do anything. Some ideas have come up but I don't know what will work out or what Gods plan is just yet.
People keep telling me to travel after my time in school is done and I would just like it to be known that traveling is very expensive. Train tickets are somewhat rediculous (or at least the ones I've been looking at) and I whole wish I could get a rail pass but unless God sends me one from Heaven.... the only train I'll be taking is from Alacante to Madrid (maybe Toledo its on the way to Madrid). Scratch that... The mysteries of the spaish railway system were just revealed. It was a round trip ticket I was looking at and it was one way. woot for travel! Still trying to figure things out though.
Like I said I've been wondering about after school.... I'll need to get a job somewhere but I don't think I'll want to be in Lompoc long. I've been thinking about moving to Seattle for awhile but I would definately need to find a job up there before I moved. I need to figure out whats going on with this subbing thing. I plan on calling them when they get back to school so then at least I could get subbing when I get back and save up some money that way while applying to schools. My mom brought up the idea of moving to a different country for awhile and I might check that out, I could teach english overseas and with some subbing it would make it easier to porcure a job. I'm just waiting for God to help me out. If something happens while I'm in Spain... well I just might stay in Europe for awhile and this is my fair warning to everyone.
So right now I'm praying for Gods guidance and hoping He'll show me what to do or where to look. I don't think I'll be going back to MH next summer. I'm going to apply to another camp just as back up and we'll see where it goes. but other than that thats all.... its 3 weeks till I leave.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Longing for the familiar
Sometimes it just hits me this feeling of fear... fear of not knowing completely what I'm doing and the longing for something familiar... a place where I can just be and to enjoy my surroundings. I think I had that once.... free to be a person that no one had expectations of... to learn things without really knowing I'm learning.... to grow wildly..... and to experience love from unexpected sources. It hits me ever so often when I'm staring at a pink sky or see a fb message about summer. I never thought I'd still miss it after all this time.
So an update on life... I didn't get the job. Oh well. but I've gotten some bills taken care of by other people. I switched my medical plan and my parents and I are staring to share a storage unit so that'll help out with the cash flow. Over this past week I've been cleaning my room (I know I can hear some of you gasping) and sorting out my storage unit getting rid of stuff I've accumulated over the years. I have a lot of junk... junk I can very much live without. So I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff but holding on to some items I know others would want (Lori I got a UCSC sweatshirt with your name on it). I know I don't need much especially if I'm occupied with other distractions (living in a tipi can really help a person out with minimalism). I really don't need half the stuff I have and I really wish it would all disappear.
My birthday was this past Thursday. I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday not because of the getting older thing (I act like I'm 12... I don't see that changing anytime soon and I get get away with it still) but because the day never goes like I'd like it to. This time it was pleasant, but I still wish I had had some friends there with me to. Don't get me wrong my mom is great but it would be nice to see some other people every once in awhile. We went to the Santa Barbara Art Museum and saw their exhibits. They have some really neat water colors on exhibit and some lovely photographs of Yosemite. In their permanent exhibit they have some awesome oil paintings and 2 Monet's. I love that man... he's one of my favorite artists. Then down to the Habit for lunch and over San Marcos pass on the long way home. I was incredibly tired though so that was a downer but it was a good day. I got the travel pack I had wanted and a couple of other things for my trip.
Other than that life is progressing. Its a little over a month til I leave so I'm getting address from people and praying to God about stuff and trying not really to think about it too much. I just don't want to set high expectations and then it just be normal.... in all honesty I'm only setting expectations for the weather and hoping that'll come through... I love rain but I'm over it... need some sun, a warm breeze and well a nice beach would be good. I think I'll hit the jackpot when I get there.
The other day I realized just how much closer to Israel I'll be.... If my friends in Israel touch the Med Sea that water could very easily reach me in Spain. My thoughts tend to remember Israel and the Jews when I go through hard times. Its my comfort when things get rough. I just miss being apart of the Jewish community. I miss challah, and shabbat, and all those random holidays that we had. I just feel so out of the loop here. I miss being apart of community.... In this time at home I've realised that I've forgotten some of the dreams I use to have.... maybe for the better but I can't really deny them. I mean God made them my dreams for a reason. I know someday I'll be with my Friends who have made aliyah to Israel in Israel... probably just for a visit but maybe for longer. I don't know why God made this apart of my life but maybe someday I'll find out.
So thats it everyone... if you want to correspond with me while I am over sease youm outta send me your address so I can write it down before I leave. And please pray for this continued money situation... and also that God's will be done.
So an update on life... I didn't get the job. Oh well. but I've gotten some bills taken care of by other people. I switched my medical plan and my parents and I are staring to share a storage unit so that'll help out with the cash flow. Over this past week I've been cleaning my room (I know I can hear some of you gasping) and sorting out my storage unit getting rid of stuff I've accumulated over the years. I have a lot of junk... junk I can very much live without. So I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff but holding on to some items I know others would want (Lori I got a UCSC sweatshirt with your name on it). I know I don't need much especially if I'm occupied with other distractions (living in a tipi can really help a person out with minimalism). I really don't need half the stuff I have and I really wish it would all disappear.
My birthday was this past Thursday. I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday not because of the getting older thing (I act like I'm 12... I don't see that changing anytime soon and I get get away with it still) but because the day never goes like I'd like it to. This time it was pleasant, but I still wish I had had some friends there with me to. Don't get me wrong my mom is great but it would be nice to see some other people every once in awhile. We went to the Santa Barbara Art Museum and saw their exhibits. They have some really neat water colors on exhibit and some lovely photographs of Yosemite. In their permanent exhibit they have some awesome oil paintings and 2 Monet's. I love that man... he's one of my favorite artists. Then down to the Habit for lunch and over San Marcos pass on the long way home. I was incredibly tired though so that was a downer but it was a good day. I got the travel pack I had wanted and a couple of other things for my trip.
Other than that life is progressing. Its a little over a month til I leave so I'm getting address from people and praying to God about stuff and trying not really to think about it too much. I just don't want to set high expectations and then it just be normal.... in all honesty I'm only setting expectations for the weather and hoping that'll come through... I love rain but I'm over it... need some sun, a warm breeze and well a nice beach would be good. I think I'll hit the jackpot when I get there.
The other day I realized just how much closer to Israel I'll be.... If my friends in Israel touch the Med Sea that water could very easily reach me in Spain. My thoughts tend to remember Israel and the Jews when I go through hard times. Its my comfort when things get rough. I just miss being apart of the Jewish community. I miss challah, and shabbat, and all those random holidays that we had. I just feel so out of the loop here. I miss being apart of community.... In this time at home I've realised that I've forgotten some of the dreams I use to have.... maybe for the better but I can't really deny them. I mean God made them my dreams for a reason. I know someday I'll be with my Friends who have made aliyah to Israel in Israel... probably just for a visit but maybe for longer. I don't know why God made this apart of my life but maybe someday I'll find out.
So thats it everyone... if you want to correspond with me while I am over sease youm outta send me your address so I can write it down before I leave. And please pray for this continued money situation... and also that God's will be done.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
a random list of things
Well well well..... I'm sorta having writers block so might as well just jump into whats been going on.... Me thinks it'll be list style this time
- Yesterday I had a job interview.... it was wierd because it wasn't really a job interview, more like getting details for a back ground check and the implication that everyone who was there would be getting a job...
- But then they couldn't open my application.... I'm suppose to be getting a call today.
- I can't call them... they dont have a "direct line"
- Still running scoreboards at games.... Basketball now..... slightly more complcated
- I've just resigned myself to just being confused
- I just realized that I might want to concern myself about this potential trip I'm taking next month
- yes its still potential... still need a job.... (see 1-3)
- Gosh I need to clear out some stuff in my storage unit
- And my room
- I don't want to learn Polish.... its way more complex than German.... AND I can't tell the words apart.
- I know this now cus I watched a polish film called "Katyn" yesterday.... um just wikipedia it and after that you may cringe or say "rachel!"
- Plus side I now now I've been saying the few polish words I know... wrong
- OH Apprently I need to be more concerned about grad school than I previously thought....
- and I sent in an intern application for next summer.... overseas.
- my birthday is in 8 days
- i'll be 25
thats all right now.... maybe next time my brain will be less scattered.
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