another summer staff application

So today I am filling out my Summer Staff application for MH yet again. Its sorta a technicality... I should have to but since all interns are going to be summer staff during the summer we need to be put into the system and have to fill out an application. I think back about how anxious I was to fill out this application in 07... I was so ready to just leave my hometown and get out. I already had thought that if I didn't get accepted to UCSC this time (this was my second time applying) I was going to go and train to be a park ranger. I was already looking at what I needed to be accpeted into that program. But a summer working at a camp sounded like fun and was something I had always wanted to do. God has a funny way of putting us in places where we need to be. I really needed that summer to connect and form some really friendships and just mentally prepare to leave home for real, to depend on others not just myself, and to realize that a relationship with my then current bf wasn't really needed. 07 was a good year for me... the next 08 was hard... so very hard. I should have realized then how slow of a processor I was... A lot of emotions came out during that summer. But still in the end it was still good for me. I made friends with some girls who I won't ever let go. They are way too good for me and I love 'em to death.
In 09 I had mixed feelings about MH. I sorta wanted to be there but I also didn't want to. So I applied to 3 other camps. I expected at least an interview from MH.... and I didn't get one. I got offered a job at Nor'Wester. I was sad to leave and angry that I hadn't even gotten an interview for the job. And Nor'Wester was an expierence... for the most part good yet it wasn't great. I miss it though and I honestly wish I was applying for craft shop there insted of book shop here.

This time around... I just feel so upset. I feel like I am just ranting... against God, against MH about what they have done to me. This is not what I wanted for this year... but as a person of faith I have to believe that God wants me here for a reason. I hope this summer is good and the only thing I'll have to complain about is the food. I hope I'll get to share my story with some people... strenghtn bonds with old friends and make some new ones. I hope God helps me with this past year and bending to His will.... because after this I don't know if I'll be at MH anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be coming back. I know for sure I am going on a vacation (Austria here I come!) but other than that.... I have an open ear and an open heart to see where I'm headed. I hope its an adventure and I hope its God filled. I know God is good and I know He does wonders... you just have to look for them.

and now a message from our sponsors....

Well the year has turned and it has come to my attention that I do not update nearly as often as I should.... but life is hetic and I often don't think that my owrds would do much good to the rest of the world. But hopefully in this next year this little blog will get some attention and be put to good use.

Intern life is interesting as always. I don't think I have fully adjusted to living life in e-green but in all honesty I don't think I ever will adjust to being here with some many people. Its oddly comofrting to come to the conclusion at long last. Drama floats around like pollen in lompton but eh you need to take it with a grain of salt. I was involved in some but in all honesty today I just got fed up with my involvement and stopped.... just stopped. Francesca Battistelli has a song on her cd that says "I'm letting go to the life I planned for me and my dreams...." which in all honesty I have done. Its left me feeling a little defeated and uncomfertable but maybe thats where God wants me right now. I need to better balance my life between work/mh and the outside world. I attended a missionary conference in Rocklin a week ago and someone referred to mh as "a missionay compound". I was taken aback by this statement but I realized its very true. We sorta just hang out and let the people come to us. I don't really know if this is a good or a bad thing..... but I think I need to get out more.

The store has been doing inventory for the past 3 days and we are finally done. I don't think counting will come easily to me for awhile but other than that I escaped with only some cabin fever. 2010 has started and this looks to be an interesting year to say the least. I'm excited to see where God has me at the end. My internship is up in September and I've been telling everyone that I have been looking forward to a vacation after my internship ends. No plans yet for after the vacation... hopefully something exciting and new.

I'll be writing more often and probably posting some on my knitting if I can ever finsh anything. My brain is a little scattered and I need to finish some projects.... problem is I just keep starting new ones. whoops...