Granada, life, and stuff I've learned thus far

Hi all. I was gonna update last week but I got sick toward the end so that made it hard to do. What has happened.... well I went to Granada and it was amazing people. It was a crazy adventure where we didn't come back to our hostal until 1am both nights, met some awesome poeple, and Gods grace was all over the trip. As I stood on the Alhambra looking over the Muslium quarter I was just amazed how God fufills wishes that were made such a long tme ago. Forgotten dreams. The whole trip was just a praise to the God who knows us so well.

I need to say that we have had some great speakers here at Rio Vida. Many of them have come from other Torchbearers Schools most often from Capernwray Hall in England but one has come from Taurenhof in Austria too. God has just shown me how much my past affects how I am and holds me back from what God wants to do from me. Thats been hard to realize. Gods says that He makes us a new being when we accept Jesus Christ as our savior but we still carry around the things that have affected us in our past, the difference is that now we have Christ and God to help us through them now. I'm not even scratching the surface of what I've been learning and I haven't even begun applying it all to my life et kids. Its been hard enough to realize my lack of a relationship with God during these past weeks and how much fuller it is now that I am in true fellowship with God and depending on Him to give me strength to get through each day. I know this may seem a radical idea to some of you but its the honest truth... We must realize that we are horrible sinful yet beautiful creatures created in God image who must depend on Him to do the simpliest things. Everything we do is to be praise to God.

I don't know if I've said this before but life here isn't that epic. Its hard to deal with the poeple here at time specially since many of them are a good 7 to 6 years younger than I am and at a totally different stage. When lecturers speak they usualy reference the youngness of our school. But on the other hand we have been getting so much marriage advice its crazy! I mean whoa like almost every speaker has spoken about it thus far. The most mind changing "fact" put forth thus far is that God hasn't chosen just one specific person for us, we have an option of many! What madness is this?? But to be honest it makes it easier on me knowing that I've got some options out there and I might not totally screw up on that one. Also like I said at the begining I have been sick for the past few days which is always hard specially in foriegn country. I cough so much when I lay down that its hard to fall alseep. so please pray for my cough that it basically stops. Another hard thing is not really hearing from people at home. I'm not saying this to lay a guilt trip on anyone, I just want to be honest. I have been making some good friends here but no one is from California so I'll be headed back to Lompoc again with no support structure in place. God has laid it upon my heart to try and find an accountability partner but where in the world do you find someone who won't judge you? I mean thats hard ya know?

OH I should mention that I do have a job for this summer. I'll be headed back to my tiny island in Washington State for another summer at Camp Nor'wester but this time as a unit leader (camp counselor for all you folk who don't understand the Nor'Wester system). No clue what unit but from June 14 to August 25th thats where I'll be back in a tipi! Before then I'll be in Lompoc probably subbing until I leave for Washington in June. Theres a wedding and graduation thrown in there too so I'll be busy *fingers crossed*.

So thats it for right now. I'm posting pictures to my flickr (my sn is mint_green_dot). I'll be sure to update next week sometime. love to you all.

and the seasons go round and round

The weather has come to my favorite time of the year.... it has cooled and the leaves are starting to fall. Autumn has returned and my time at MH is coming to an end.... yet again.
The end of summer has been interesting. Much more community within the departments and some of my strongest friends from this summer come from the most unlikely of sources and its really sad to see them go off into the real world. These past two weeks have been a lot of hanging out with my fellow interns which is always a homecoming of sorts. Its nice to be surrounded by people who just know you. And even though its good to fall into the click of interns I know I've had to spend time with my other friends.
I have 10 days left in the internship and 14 days left in Santa Cruz. This time I have plans... well sorta and I've finally come to the point if God wants me to come back to this place I will but I hope I get a break from working here for awhile. Lompoc might not be the best place for me to stay but for the next 4 months I've got to stick it out and just face the obstacles that come at me.... like finding a new church, and a job, and even making some ties to it other than my family. After these 4 months I really have no clue when I'll be back.... I might sound like a broken record but its just wierd to be in this time.... Nothing is permant right now. The only "for sure" thing right now is Spain and that is even frightening at times.
Sometime this summer, during a summer staff worhip, someone told us to remember this time in out lives. To write it down. The ancient Israelites made these stone altars to remember the works that God had done in thier lifes. To be visual reminders so that they could give praise to the Almighty. This person, I think it was a staff pastor, encouraged us to write down what we had seen this summer so that we could look back and give praise to God for what we have seen and done this summer. I have neglected to do that this summer but maybe before I pass my torch off.... maybe in the 4 days I have of nothing before I leave this town I have called home for the past 3 years I ought to start writing down the good and the bad I have seen in my times and give my thanks to the God who brought me out to other side a better and stronger person than I was at the begining. My life has not always been enjoyable but it has been good and I will continue to give God all the glory irregardless of where I go....

the predicament which is here and now

This picture was taken in one of my favorite places in Seattle. That was a crazy trip I took there about 6 weeks ago and at this park it was the most peace that I felt during thaqt whole trip. Its just nice to be in a place of peace.

This summer hasn't been peaceful at all.... and thats very sad for me. I feel like I am constantly doing this wrong. No one has ever told me otherwise. I'm tired of not being treated like a decent human being.... espeacially by other Christians. Its almost over though.... My mom pointed out to me that God seems to put me in these situations pretty often so maybe this summer is one of just learning to deal with it and to depend on God more. Which is hard on me but I know I can.

Spain is only 6 months away. And now its just hit that I'll have to actually get a job when I go back home. Which won't be too bad.... I'm gonna try get a seasonal job for a department store or maybe even the craft store. I think I could handle a craft store much more than a department store. I'm really hoping someone will hire me before I have to go to a fast food resturant. Specially since I would like to actually travel and be able to you know.... eat when I get there. And there is a possibility of Eastern Europe next summer.... I just need to get a jump start on that sucker.

I can't really get into the heartache thats happened this summer but I figure I'll be a stronger person come September. And I know that I cannot focus on the future and ignore the present. Right now I am seeking Gods voice for a decision that I would rather just not make... I'd rather just run away...

Second session at CNW starts in 7 days... apparently its time for me to cut off my turks head. It's been a year since its been burned on. Its sorta hard to let go of something that has been apart of you yet not noticable.... it should be an interesting time

mish mash

well Summer is officially here... Since I last wrote I've been traveling the west coast, moving into dorms, and trying to make sense of my life. I also have been accepted into a Bible school in Spain.... so starting in January I will be living in Spain for about 10 weeks. It should be interesting.
I don't have much to say right now other than I've been struggling with God's will for my life for this summer. I am so very tired of being where I'm at.... I honestly feel like sleeping for days at a time. I'm also struggling with the concept of grace. I can only say I am really struggling with where I am at and no one here really seems to get it.

another summer staff application

So today I am filling out my Summer Staff application for MH yet again. Its sorta a technicality... I should have to but since all interns are going to be summer staff during the summer we need to be put into the system and have to fill out an application. I think back about how anxious I was to fill out this application in 07... I was so ready to just leave my hometown and get out. I already had thought that if I didn't get accepted to UCSC this time (this was my second time applying) I was going to go and train to be a park ranger. I was already looking at what I needed to be accpeted into that program. But a summer working at a camp sounded like fun and was something I had always wanted to do. God has a funny way of putting us in places where we need to be. I really needed that summer to connect and form some really friendships and just mentally prepare to leave home for real, to depend on others not just myself, and to realize that a relationship with my then current bf wasn't really needed. 07 was a good year for me... the next 08 was hard... so very hard. I should have realized then how slow of a processor I was... A lot of emotions came out during that summer. But still in the end it was still good for me. I made friends with some girls who I won't ever let go. They are way too good for me and I love 'em to death.
In 09 I had mixed feelings about MH. I sorta wanted to be there but I also didn't want to. So I applied to 3 other camps. I expected at least an interview from MH.... and I didn't get one. I got offered a job at Nor'Wester. I was sad to leave and angry that I hadn't even gotten an interview for the job. And Nor'Wester was an expierence... for the most part good yet it wasn't great. I miss it though and I honestly wish I was applying for craft shop there insted of book shop here.

This time around... I just feel so upset. I feel like I am just ranting... against God, against MH about what they have done to me. This is not what I wanted for this year... but as a person of faith I have to believe that God wants me here for a reason. I hope this summer is good and the only thing I'll have to complain about is the food. I hope I'll get to share my story with some people... strenghtn bonds with old friends and make some new ones. I hope God helps me with this past year and bending to His will.... because after this I don't know if I'll be at MH anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be coming back. I know for sure I am going on a vacation (Austria here I come!) but other than that.... I have an open ear and an open heart to see where I'm headed. I hope its an adventure and I hope its God filled. I know God is good and I know He does wonders... you just have to look for them.

slowly pass

It seems that just yesterday I was standing in this room taking another picture (just like this) and wishing so badly to get on with my life. Well It's be over two years since I took that picture and I'm at another school but this room still remains one of my most favorite places....

Time is passing so quickly and its not like I'm not realizing it... One of my prayers is to for God to help me realize how lucky I am to have this time... in this place. This is such a unique time of my life. And I'm not going to get it back. This won't be a repeat preformance. But I know I'll move on and life will be have its ups and downs just like now. I just hope the days will drag a little more and I'll be able to appreciate everything I have....

My time in college is ending. I don't know what I'll do with out it quite honestly. How does one adjust to the real world? I'll miss the studying and reading... the attendance at lectures and the small things that make school so great. But as I prepare to move on I wonder what I'll bring along with me to the real world.... what friends will stand the test of time, what quirks will I keep... and how will I change? I can see myself changing but how? I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life... I don't know if I'm ready to move on from college. I've only had 2 years!!! At a real university!!! I should have gone to school right after high school... no that would have been bad... really bad.

Well change will happen... For one I won't be working at the camp I usually work at this summer. I'm going North... to Washington State. I'm excited! It'll be interesting and hopefully I'll learn more about myself and what I want from life... Life after college is scary. It means bills to pay, a job to work, and countless unkown things. But millions upon millions of people have done it and survived. And I know I will too... I just want these next 6 weeks to pass slower than they have. I want to have long sunny days in the meadows... I want to be stressed out about finals just a tad bit longer... and I want all the sweet things that surround me to stay with me that much longer...

Well I have to go... I have homework to do.

Future

Jeremiah 29:11 says that God knows the plans he has for us, plans for a hope and a future. As someone on the brink of unknown territory the words of Gods promise have been playing on repeat in my head... A hope and a future. What does that entail for me? The future is so uncertian and sometimes I'm not sure I have what it takes to just shove off and chart my own path... but I guess I'll have to now...

I got a job this summer at a camp I've never been to, doing a job i've never done, in a state I've never been too... It's a whole bunch of firsts and I'm wondering what God has exactly planned for me. So in June, 4 days after I graduate from college I'll be heading to Washington state to work on an island for 2 months as a camp photographer.

The question that popped into my head was how would I reinvent myself? How would this summer change my life? I have no backup plan... I haven't gotten any other job offers... God has sucessfully shown me that this is what He wants me to do. He's once again calling me off to a place where I will have to... well survive. This expierence is shaping up to be one of the most extreme things I've ever done... And I wonder what people will think of me when I return... will I have changed or just stayed the same.

A Hope and a Future... God truly has everything in the palms of His hands. When He has things planned for us.. we will have to do them... This morning I was listening to the radio and a segment came on in which the presenter said something about how our fear holds us back from doing what God wants.... I have to go. I can't let my fear of the unknown stop me. So as school winds down I'll be packing my trunk (!?!?!) and deciding what to keep with me and send home. Then I'll board the plane to Seattle and hopefully I won't look back too much and let God help me through what He's planned for me.