short but possibly sweet

hey all I know that I haven't posted in a very long time but I'm going to be posting again very soon. EVen the last post I posted... well I don't even think I finished my thought on that sucker (oh rio vida internet). I've had a few adventures since the last post that extended from Spain to Cali to... Hawaii? Yes I made my first trip to Honolulu since I last posted and believe me I have some great stories. But in all honesty I don't know how soon I'll be able to talk about Rio Vida, it still brings me tears whenever I reflect upon my time there. I can't even upload pictures without 'em. So I'm back in the LPC... waiting on life. Soon I'll post with some of my favorite stories and to update on life. Maybe tomorrow after I'm done doing book covers for a new book binding venture. I ought to start knitting some new hats for my etsy shop... and my mom said I ought to start selling my photography too.... gosh now I need to go and research some photoshop techniques.

Longing for the familiar

Sometimes it just hits me this feeling of fear... fear of not knowing completely what I'm doing and the longing for something familiar... a place where I can just be and to enjoy my surroundings. I think I had that once.... free to be a person that no one had expectations of... to learn things without really knowing I'm learning.... to grow wildly..... and to experience love from unexpected sources. It hits me ever so often when I'm staring at a pink sky or see a fb message about summer. I never thought I'd still miss it after all this time.

So an update on life... I didn't get the job. Oh well. but I've gotten some bills taken care of by other people. I switched my medical plan and my parents and I are staring to share a storage unit so that'll help out with the cash flow. Over this past week I've been cleaning my room (I know I can hear some of you gasping) and sorting out my storage unit getting rid of stuff I've accumulated over the years. I have a lot of junk... junk I can very much live without. So I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff but holding on to some items I know others would want (Lori I got a UCSC sweatshirt with your name on it). I know I don't need much especially if I'm occupied with other distractions (living in a tipi can really help a person out with minimalism). I really don't need half the stuff I have and I really wish it would all disappear.

My birthday was this past Thursday. I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday not because of the getting older thing (I act like I'm 12... I don't see that changing anytime soon and I get get away with it still) but because the day never goes like I'd like it to. This time it was pleasant, but I still wish I had had some friends there with me to. Don't get me wrong my mom is great but it would be nice to see some other people every once in awhile. We went to the Santa Barbara Art Museum and saw their exhibits. They have some really neat water colors on exhibit and some lovely photographs of Yosemite. In their permanent exhibit they have some awesome oil paintings and 2 Monet's. I love that man... he's one of my favorite artists. Then down to the Habit for lunch and over San Marcos pass on the long way home. I was incredibly tired though so that was a downer but it was a good day. I got the travel pack I had wanted and a couple of other things for my trip.

Other than that life is progressing. Its a little over a month til I leave so I'm getting address from people and praying to God about stuff and trying not really to think about it too much. I just don't want to set high expectations and then it just be normal.... in all honesty I'm only setting expectations for the weather and hoping that'll come through... I love rain but I'm over it... need some sun, a warm breeze and well a nice beach would be good. I think I'll hit the jackpot when I get there.

The other day I realized just how much closer to Israel I'll be.... If my friends in Israel touch the Med Sea that water could very easily reach me in Spain. My thoughts tend to remember Israel and the Jews when I go through hard times. Its my comfort when things get rough. I just miss being apart of the Jewish community. I miss challah, and shabbat, and all those random holidays that we had. I just feel so out of the loop here. I miss being apart of community.... In this time at home I've realised that I've forgotten some of the dreams I use to have.... maybe for the better but I can't really deny them. I mean God made them my dreams for a reason. I know someday I'll be with my Friends who have made aliyah to Israel in Israel... probably just for a visit but maybe for longer. I don't know why God made this apart of my life but maybe someday I'll find out.

So thats it everyone... if you want to correspond with me while I am over sease youm outta send me your address so I can write it down before I leave. And please pray for this continued money situation... and also that God's will be done.

a random list of things

Well well well..... I'm sorta having writers block so might as well just jump into whats been going on.... Me thinks it'll be list style this time

1. Yesterday I had a job interview.... it was wierd because it wasn't really a job interview, more like getting details for a back ground check and the implication that everyone who was there would be getting a job...
2. But then they couldn't open my application.... I'm suppose to be getting a call today.
3. I can't call them... they dont have a "direct line"
4. Still running scoreboards at games.... Basketball now..... slightly more complcated
5. I've just resigned myself to just being confused
6. I just realized that I might want to concern myself about this potential trip I'm taking next month
7. yes its still potential... still need a job.... (see 1-3)
8. Gosh I need to clear out some stuff in my storage unit
9. And my room
10. I don't want to learn Polish.... its way more complex than German.... AND I can't tell the words apart.
11. I know this now cus I watched a polish film called "Katyn" yesterday.... um just wikipedia it and after that you may cringe or say "rachel!"
12. Plus side I now now I've been saying the few polish words I know... wrong
13. OH Apprently I need to be more concerned about grad school than I previously thought....
14. and I sent in an intern application for next summer.... overseas.
15. my birthday is in 8 days
16. i'll be 25

thats all right now.... maybe next time my brain will be less scattered.

oh rei

well I have to admit I've been putting a lot of miles on my car lately but its all been for the good. Yesterday my mom and I drove to Marina to attend thier member garage sale and I got a rain jacket, hiking boots, and 2 pairs of shorts for less than $60. I LOVE my rei membership.

Also this week I attended a substitute teacher orientation, had a tb test, went to the doctors, realized that health care sucks, and really started looking forward to a winter where the only wet I'll be is from jumping in the Medditerranean Sea (fingers crossed). Still not very excited though, I still have a 20 hour flight to look forward to....

but something I am looking forward to is an application.... and a possible interview.... and maybe an adventure? I'll tell you when I know.... well something.

This week well is the Big Game here in Lompoc... I'll be working the Little Big Game scoreboard on thursday night. Its my mom and dads birthday and then on Saturday I'll be heading up to SC for a wedding on Sunday with a possible return on that very night because if I get approved for subbing I'll probably have a job on Monday morn.

well heres to it being dark at 6pm now... As I told Nicole I'm hoping for Spain to be sunnier later than it is in Cali

plane tickets, holidays, weddings, and road trips

Well people keep asking me about how everything is going for Spain so I'd figure I'd update my blog with information about it. I'll try to update weekly and tell you all how exciting Lompoc is and how things are going in preperations for Spain

So in about 2.5 months I'll be waking up at the crack of dawn so I can get on my flight to Spain (well actually New York and then Spain). It'll be about a 20 hour journey... I'll have a 5 hour layover when I actually get to Madrid so in theory that should be enough time to go through customs and then get to my flight to the coast. I hope I'll be functioning at 6am Spain time (which is 9 hours ahead of CA time). I'll finally get to Alicante at noonish and then I'll have a day and a half before classes start.
People have been asking if I'm excited yet... well I guess I'm more anxious mostly about the whole money thing. I thought I'd have a job or something before this to just keep me from worrying about this but I haven't... well I do do the scoreboard at the JV home football games. but lets be honext thats not much and I'd like to get more cash so I can actaully travel after this whole thing. But right now it looks like I just might go and then come back (granted my parents will pay for my plane ticket home). In all honesty I've used up most of my checking account and now my bills are being paid from the saving account that I set aside for this trip. I just need a job, I don't really want to go out and have to ask for money for something that I am doing to better myself. But in good news I have recieved my credential for subbing and I go to the orientation next wednesday and have my physical that day too. Then I'm just a TB test away (which believe me will get done on wednesday... I just can't schedule it till then).

In other words I'm going to LA this weekend to see my friends Kate and Sara... and possibly some other people like a camper from CNW and friends from MH. We are going to Olvera Street to see the altars for Dia de los Muertos which is my favorite holiday... I haven't been to Olvera street in ages and believe me its already hit me that I might not be going there for dia de los muertos for a very long time. Then in 2 weeks its back to Santa Cruz for Terra and Joshs wedding! woot! Then I'll need to hang up my traveling ways until January...

After all of that if you would please pray for

• a job/subbing jobs
• money for Spain
• safe travels

Thanks!

the predicament which is here and now

This picture was taken in one of my favorite places in Seattle. That was a crazy trip I took there about 6 weeks ago and at this park it was the most peace that I felt during thaqt whole trip. Its just nice to be in a place of peace.

This summer hasn't been peaceful at all.... and thats very sad for me. I feel like I am constantly doing this wrong. No one has ever told me otherwise. I'm tired of not being treated like a decent human being.... espeacially by other Christians. Its almost over though.... My mom pointed out to me that God seems to put me in these situations pretty often so maybe this summer is one of just learning to deal with it and to depend on God more. Which is hard on me but I know I can.

Spain is only 6 months away. And now its just hit that I'll have to actually get a job when I go back home. Which won't be too bad.... I'm gonna try get a seasonal job for a department store or maybe even the craft store. I think I could handle a craft store much more than a department store. I'm really hoping someone will hire me before I have to go to a fast food resturant. Specially since I would like to actually travel and be able to you know.... eat when I get there. And there is a possibility of Eastern Europe next summer.... I just need to get a jump start on that sucker.

I can't really get into the heartache thats happened this summer but I figure I'll be a stronger person come September. And I know that I cannot focus on the future and ignore the present. Right now I am seeking Gods voice for a decision that I would rather just not make... I'd rather just run away...

Second session at CNW starts in 7 days... apparently its time for me to cut off my turks head. It's been a year since its been burned on. Its sorta hard to let go of something that has been apart of you yet not noticable.... it should be an interesting time