the choices you make

Life has been steady in the intern house for these past few months... something clicked in Janurary and we've been going pretty strong ever since. We've clicked as a family finally. Its moving steadily along at MH. Summer is fast approaching. As I was driving back with some friends from dinner I realized it was almost 7pm and the sun hadn't even set yet. Summer is so close but at least its 2 months away. I'm going to Seattle in May to see old friends and campers from this past summer. My life has changed so much since last June... Since last September. People have been commenting on how I've grown and changed. Its wierd to get these compliments but oddly refrenshing. I know I've changed and I'm glad I have. If I was still the same person that I was 3 years ago... I really don't want to think about it.
I thought of an ex boyfriend today.... He wasn't the last guy I date but some one I had dated in high school... He is actually the only guy I have ever dated that... in all honesty I would date again. God just suddenly placed him on my heart and I just think of.... how it was a honor to be blessed by him for the short while we dated and kept in contect. And he's also the only guy I don't refer to by name if I do talk about him to others. Thats just my way of respecting him... so that people don't get him confused with the last guy I dated. I honestly miss hs bf.... He was a good guy and I wish we would have stayed together, at least as friends. He's the reason why I didn't go to Sac State. I was dating another guy when I got that acceptance letter to the school and I thought if I went to school I didn't know what would happen with hs bf. I probably would have gone out with him if he would have asked me.Life would have been so different if i had gone to Sac State. I can't even fathom what my life would have been like. Probably no Mount Hermon, No Jewish community, no me as I am now. But probably hs bf.... he would probably been in my life some way.
I wonder why God puts people on your hearts during random times. Is it to pray for them? Are they thinking of you? Why do they just strike your heart and mkae you wish so much that they were just there with you? I miss him sometimes... specially when God puts him on my heart. I wish things would have been different.... I wish I had made different choices..... choices that would have kept him in my life longer.... Just to see what God would have done with him.

Now I know God works in mysterious ways... and if God deems fit... hs bf just might make a come back in my life. I know today I said a prayer for him... just to thank God for putting him in my life and to keep him safe and well. Whatever God does with me I will still praise Him. I will be thankful under all circumstances. I am honestly not looking for love in that way right now. If it happens, it happens but I'm not searching for it like I use to. My life is good just the way it is... living here in MH with my intern family. I'm finally glad God has placed me here.

and now a message from our sponsors....

Well the year has turned and it has come to my attention that I do not update nearly as often as I should.... but life is hetic and I often don't think that my owrds would do much good to the rest of the world. But hopefully in this next year this little blog will get some attention and be put to good use.

Intern life is interesting as always. I don't think I have fully adjusted to living life in e-green but in all honesty I don't think I ever will adjust to being here with some many people. Its oddly comofrting to come to the conclusion at long last. Drama floats around like pollen in lompton but eh you need to take it with a grain of salt. I was involved in some but in all honesty today I just got fed up with my involvement and stopped.... just stopped. Francesca Battistelli has a song on her cd that says "I'm letting go to the life I planned for me and my dreams...." which in all honesty I have done. Its left me feeling a little defeated and uncomfertable but maybe thats where God wants me right now. I need to better balance my life between work/mh and the outside world. I attended a missionary conference in Rocklin a week ago and someone referred to mh as "a missionay compound". I was taken aback by this statement but I realized its very true. We sorta just hang out and let the people come to us. I don't really know if this is a good or a bad thing..... but I think I need to get out more.

The store has been doing inventory for the past 3 days and we are finally done. I don't think counting will come easily to me for awhile but other than that I escaped with only some cabin fever. 2010 has started and this looks to be an interesting year to say the least. I'm excited to see where God has me at the end. My internship is up in September and I've been telling everyone that I have been looking forward to a vacation after my internship ends. No plans yet for after the vacation... hopefully something exciting and new.

I'll be writing more often and probably posting some on my knitting if I can ever finsh anything. My brain is a little scattered and I need to finish some projects.... problem is I just keep starting new ones. whoops...