Remembering growing up

This week I encountered the younger sibling of a person I knew in high school.... and lets just say that this person and I didn't get along. She dated my best guy friend... one of the first friends I made when I moved here and I'm pretty sure I didn't take it well.... plus with her he developed a bad reputation. oh man was I pissed in high school. Actually I wasn't the only one there were a few of us... but still we all talked (amongst ourselves... I don't think I spread my feelings around the masses that much) pretty badly about her... so sure that she was the one who took him down the path they were on.

Well this sibling confirmed the rumor I had heard... They had gotten married a couple of years after high school and were living back east, the guy had joined the air force. And I couldn't help but think... well I hope she grew up and I hope thier happy.... and not much else. It only occured to me later that well I had grown up.

Its only hit me this year that my attitude has changed about things. The stuff that was so important to me just last year isn't so much any more and I think more about what others go through than what happens to me. Now I'm not flawless and I am so sure I have so much farther to grow but its crazy how we change so much in just a short amount of time or even over years. And its funny how small things change the way our path lay out... How if our "if only's" had played out. One of them struck me today.... If only I had given him the right piece of paper... I would maybe know whats going on in his life today.

I sometimes regret the fact that I don't have any of the same friends from high school... no one knows who I was back then... just me. No one to remember with... no one to make fun of how badly we lost the big game this year... no one to groan about what we wore or how we acted. Most of my friends now range from 2007 and onward. I use to blame it on growning up but now I see I had so much more growing to do.

Satuday I'm leaving for Mexico for a trip with the family (and this one includes cousins!). I'll be gone for a week... in other news a friend I made from the last cruise finally emailed me! He's from Mexico so maybe he can tell me what to do in Cabo for 2 days... Gosh I'm sorry but Cabo is so boring but apparently I haven't been to the good places. So we'll see. Hopefully more talking of soccer is in my future. Right now I ought to be packing but I'm not... I got an email to write, some blogs to check, clothes to wash... and contimplating the going to a grand opening of rei. Tomorrow will be another day to worship God and live my life for Him. But I really outta pack then too...

oh the things we miss

Its been running rampent throughout my fb feed... the missing of Bible School. Oh man I really miss my friends from that place. It somewhat sucks when you're the only person in a state and everyone lives so far away... *ahem* CANADA. Its odd to think that this time last year I had no clue who these people were and now they are some of the best people in my life. I can't really fathom what my life would be if I hadn't met them. So it was no wonder that when I was asked where I wanted to be for my birthday it was spain and the people I wanted to be with they were definately in the top 5.

But this seperation from my friends, Bible School and those lovely other ones, even though it has been hard has been okay. I've been going to a new church, had very interesting subbing expierences (elementary school is always fun), and leaned on God way more than I ever had in my life. Just today when I knew I had to teach kindergarteners and then have to go home to my dog being put down I thought of James 1:2-4. Oh these trials that have been put in my way... and the seeking to find joy within them. Those kids were cute (yet always talking... apparently I got the hard class) and I know that my dog is in a better place (something that was brought up at bible school and I'm choosing to believe... it makes me feel better). Jesus is always there no matter the situation or how small it is. His love is what makes me get up in the morning.

The talk around this house lately has been my birthday... yup a big 26. Its on a friday and I just have not want to plan something to do. I told my mom that I want someone else to buy me yarn, go somewhere interesting, take pictures, and play some soccer... It sounds vaguely like what happened in Spain. I know I can't go back to that place in time but I'm hoping that sometime soon I'll be able to have some carefree time with my friends... so anyone wanna hang out the second weekend of December? I'm feeling the need for adventure.

Have you ever really wondered about the people who are around you? The ones you pass by everyday or interact with for a brief time then they just slip away? I have been thinking about them lately, the ones that have been there and then slip off into the dark... and you're left with just the memories of them.</div><div> </div><div>A lot has happened since my last post. There are things that have happened that I'm not ready to speak about in a public way yet. The people who know, know and when the time comes more will know... and don't worry everyone will know eventually. But due to these unforseen things happening I was blessed to go on a cruise through Panama Canal with my mum and grandma. Well lets just say that the majority of the passenger were more *ahem* mature or on their honeymoons so I was definately in the minority. So that left the crew to "hang out" with... which was more like brief conversations.</div><div> </div><div>These briefs conversations were like lifesavers on this trip and they gave me insight into people that I have never would have been able to talk to. One guy talked about how his shifts went from 11:30 am to Midnight every day... Yes he got 2 hour long breaks but he didn't get a day off... And I don't thik they get vacation time like we do. Another one talked about how he wanted to finish university but wasn't able to... Others talked about their families, their countries, their homes... A guy talked about how he spoke english well enough to be on a ship but his wife didn't so for 6 months out of the year they were apart. And this guy was from Macedonia so it's not like you can get off ship and visit for a few hours (and I'll mention that we are both the same age). 6 months was the shortest contract I heard of... some were up to 10 months onboard. Crazy huh? </div><div> </div><div>Stories are what keep us together and this is what I realized on this trip. Everyone has one and we are all linked some how. I am blessed.... we all are. We didn't have bombs being dropped on us when we were 13 or had to work every day for 3 years. I realy don't like to say this about a cruise but it changed my perspective about the way I look around me... it made me want to get to know people more than just the basics. As corny as it is I really do miss the people I met on the ship... I do believe there off the coast of Cuba right now... and I wish we could talk again. </div><div> </div><div>There is so much more than what we see... than what we think. For one day on this cruise I felt normal.... for the first time since university... normal. And you never really know how much you miss normal until you don't have it any more. My heart felt light. </div><div> </div><div>There might be big changes coming soon... or their might be nothing. Also 2012 just might be another year of me going to a lot of weddings... Already know of 2 that are happening... I'll keep my fingers crossed for a date for either of those.</

Someday I Shall Be Going…

There just sometimes when I need to get things out and that's when you, dear friends, get a blog post

I am sitting in a pizza shop in Victoria BC and I just finished my first slice of pizza in 3 months. I've had more freedom in the last 48 hours then I've had in a very long time. Freedom to do what my own beliefs dictate and just be able to do what I want. Which to be honest isn't anything much. I've eaten some food and gone to a museum and walked a ton. But these past few weeks I've had this serious want to just be somewhere… to be known and loved by my friends… to have a place where I can be free to be what God wants me to be. I can't help but acknowledge what I want to do. I wanna restart up my etsy shop and make more stuff for it. I'd love to pay more attention to it and have it really flourish. I wanna live nearer to Kate cus she just gets me. I wanna catch up to all my peers who have jobs and significant others. I want to be a better friend and write more letters. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't give up these past two crazy hard years for anything. All the people I've met, the places I've gone, things I've done … these past two years have defined me and reformed me and made me who I am. Two years ago I wouldn't have been here. I'm a better person for it.

My friend Meg recently sent an email out talking about Gods perfect timing. I do believe that God gives us what we need and sometimes what we want. I don't believe that there's just one perfect person or one perfect job fore out there but probably a couple of options that I need to seek out but those options won't present themselves or make themselves known until the time is right. So even thought I may think that the time is right you may just hear me whine for another 6 months about living with my parents and subbing or in 3 weeks I may have found a job and be moving to the east coast or Canada. I mean my life is crazy like that. The point is that all I need to do is seek and then I'll find. No my life ain't going the way I thought it would but it's going just fine… and I'll embrace the craziness until it ends.
I'm leaving Canada tomorrow and going to Seattle to see a friend then on Wednesday it's back to Cali for the next adventure to begin.

Old friends...

so I know I reall ought to wirte about my time in Hawaii or the end of my time in Spain because lets face it, those maybe much more exciting than what going on in my life. But to be honest Spain is still hard to think about. I didn't have a a bad expierence but every time I really think about it I just want to cry. I just miss it there and the community there. Its hard to be all alone in a town with no friends peeps. And Hawaii was fun and beautiful but I did mostly touristy things, went to Pearl Harbor, and went to the North Shore. You all know I love history and basicly it was a big history tour for me... if you wanna see my pictures from the trip theres some on facebook and more on flickr here http://tinyurl.com/3nepkun and basicly you've just seen my whole trip to Hawaii.
But this last week I've been subbing in my old school district. Its been interesting I've been called every day. I've had some interesting incidents and for the most part its been a good expierence. I honestly don't feel old enough to be doing this at times but I guess I actually am. For the most part I haven't been at schools I attended but today... I was at my old middle school subbing for a PE teacher. I honestly took the job because to me it was so ironic... I never enjoyed PE and well middle school was just not the best thing ever so I thought it would be funny to sub there. And it was I'm still sorta giggling about it. I just didn't really think about the possible encounters that might happen. The one that really hit me was a really unexpected one... not with an old teacher but one with the younger brother of an old best friend from well 4th grade onward.
I can't recall my meeting Robert in 4th grade but he was my closest guy friend until we reached high school and he started dating a girl who well my mom still refers to her as the crazy one... unfortunately my opinion of her still isn't much higher. The fact my mom, who can't even remember my friends names from MH can remember his is something to say. This is one of the people I still think about from time to time... Has God ever made your heart just ache for someone for no particular reason? This is one of the people that my heart has just randomly ached for once or twice... not for love peeps but just cus...I've always taken it as God wanting me to pray for him or something... I can't truly say that I miss him... because even I know that time changes people and I am a different person from my graduation 7 years ago. Who knows what our "friendship" would have been like now... Eis, a lecturer from school, say men and women can't be friends because one will always want more than the other. And I'll admit that when I was in high school I wanted to date him but that was after he started going with this girl... so it just might have been me missing his company. I can't say now. Our lives have taken differnt paths... Apparently he's married and in the army now.... Gosh I can't even think about me being married for 5 years at this time (he's been married that long). I wouldn't have been at UCSC or MH or Rio Vida... I wound't have gone to Washington or taken road trips to SF, or gone on crazy adventures with my friends... I wouldn't have had this year of craziness. And I don't think I'd want to not have the expierences I've had since I graduated high school. I'm okay with being single, its given me an oppertunity to do things I never could have with someone else and I don't think my relationship with God would have been as good and as strong as it is now. God is truly the mastermind of everything, including my life, and He knows what is best for us. I am supposed to be the person I am right now because God wants me to be this person. So all I could do when I saw this kid who I've known since well I think he's the youngest therefore since birth was to tell him that I said hello to his two older brothers (the second oldest was a friend of mine too) and leave it at that...

So today is Good Friday... the day that Jesus died for our sins because he loved us so much. And in 3 day He will have rose for us as well. To all a Happy Easter and may God keep you and constantly remind you of what He has done, does, and will do for you.

short but possibly sweet

hey all I know that I haven't posted in a very long time but I'm going to be posting again very soon. EVen the last post I posted... well I don't even think I finished my thought on that sucker (oh rio vida internet). I've had a few adventures since the last post that extended from Spain to Cali to... Hawaii? Yes I made my first trip to Honolulu since I last posted and believe me I have some great stories. But in all honesty I don't know how soon I'll be able to talk about Rio Vida, it still brings me tears whenever I reflect upon my time there. I can't even upload pictures without 'em. So I'm back in the LPC... waiting on life. Soon I'll post with some of my favorite stories and to update on life. Maybe tomorrow after I'm done doing book covers for a new book binding venture. I ought to start knitting some new hats for my etsy shop... and my mom said I ought to start selling my photography too.... gosh now I need to go and research some photoshop techniques.

end of school...

well kids its less than a week until I leave Alicante. No clue when I'll be coming back here but I hope its some day in the future. As Bible School ends we seem to be getting closer together, which according to my time line of emotions at smmer camp falls neatly into place. This also tells me I've been working for just 10 weeks way too much in my life. I am goning to miss this place when I'm gone and the fun that I've had here but I'm sure that some relationships may fade but others will remain strong for a long time coming. Lets just say that I'll probably be going to Canada sometime this year.... it'll put my new knowledge of "Oh Canada" into use. We've been going on some adventures lately. Yesterday we went to Altea and today me and my friend Christine went to some roman ruins in compello. Its been grand.