a mis match of thoughts

So even though I just did a "this is what I did this year" letter (I like that name better than holiday letter) I don't think I want to a remebering the year post just yet... oh it'll happen just not yet.

This weekend marks my 26th bitrthday. And my return to Santa Cruz. I haven't been there since April which is the longest I've been away since I moved there in the summer 2007. While my parents have lived in Lompoc since I was 9 Santa Cruz has been home. Its like coming back to a familiar hug. You know its always gonna be there maybe with a few new things but it'll always smeel the same and provide you what you're looking for. I miss living there. I miss my friends up there especially. I miss my church. I miss the trees and the ocean. I miss late night trips to the beach. Its one of thos things that I know if I moved back there it wouldn't be the same but it would pretty dang close. I can't wait to walk down Pacific Ave and sit in the Abbey again. To eat some of my favorite foods. To see people I love. Even though my life is slowly evolving out of Santa Cruz its always going to be the place I can go back to. Its always gonna be home.

May I admit something to you? I think it might be high time I did this due to it probably being healthy for me. I think I've developed feelings for someone. Yes its odd. And subbing at a high school doesn't help it much (I'm all into watching the interactions between high schoolers its pretty funny). I haven't been in a relationship in 4 years and I honestly Don't have much more
hope for this one going much beyond fb buddies... but that just might be my realist side coming out of the wood work. I should just let it ride right? I do know that is this does evolve that I have a couple of big decisions to make... and ones that won't be easy to do. All I am doing is praying to Jesus to help me make good choices. And I'm hoping that all my thoughts aren't about him! Gosh! Girl brains.
I have been missing Spain a lot lately. I want to go back, I need to go back. I miss soccer, I miss the beach, I miss the history, and I miss those dang triangols de maiz. I also miss that sketchy walk to Carrefore. Theres just a lot to miss. I just gotta go back this year and do the Camino de Santiago. Theres no other choice. My heart needs Spain.
I have a feeling that my heart is longing for the familiar that has gone unfamilar. I wonder what the cure is....

oh the things we miss

Its been running rampent throughout my fb feed... the missing of Bible School. Oh man I really miss my friends from that place. It somewhat sucks when you're the only person in a state and everyone lives so far away... *ahem* CANADA. Its odd to think that this time last year I had no clue who these people were and now they are some of the best people in my life. I can't really fathom what my life would be if I hadn't met them. So it was no wonder that when I was asked where I wanted to be for my birthday it was spain and the people I wanted to be with they were definately in the top 5.

But this seperation from my friends, Bible School and those lovely other ones, even though it has been hard has been okay. I've been going to a new church, had very interesting subbing expierences (elementary school is always fun), and leaned on God way more than I ever had in my life. Just today when I knew I had to teach kindergarteners and then have to go home to my dog being put down I thought of James 1:2-4. Oh these trials that have been put in my way... and the seeking to find joy within them. Those kids were cute (yet always talking... apparently I got the hard class) and I know that my dog is in a better place (something that was brought up at bible school and I'm choosing to believe... it makes me feel better). Jesus is always there no matter the situation or how small it is. His love is what makes me get up in the morning.

The talk around this house lately has been my birthday... yup a big 26. Its on a friday and I just have not want to plan something to do. I told my mom that I want someone else to buy me yarn, go somewhere interesting, take pictures, and play some soccer... It sounds vaguely like what happened in Spain. I know I can't go back to that place in time but I'm hoping that sometime soon I'll be able to have some carefree time with my friends... so anyone wanna hang out the second weekend of December? I'm feeling the need for adventure.