amazing

well I am back from Poland and it was an amazing time there. I am just amazed at the ways God worked in us this past week... we had 30 people come to Christ during camp and when your camp is about 100 people with a little less than half being the leadership team that is an amazing number. The missionaries with us said this was one of the biggest numbers they had ever heard of. And to really think about it it just boggles my mind. What does God have in store for us? For the people who accepted Christ this week? What great things will come next? I saw so many small miracles this past week and felt the Holy Spirit move in great ways that I am still amazed with what has happened. If anything else this trip has shown me and made even more important to share Jesus with everyone, to be more bold with my faith, and to fully trust in Gods plan for our lives. Only with God does great things happen.

I just got home today so it still seems so freash yet so far away. I really miss Poland and being here at home makes me want to be back there way too much. And things at home are not always the best. I realized that talking about myself is hard for me to do... I don't oftn really tell people how I'm feeling, and today I finally admitted to a friend that I just wanted something to go away it was like a small crack in the wall formed. I'm still thinking through my trip and I should really take some time to really sit down and write out my story about it... and tell everything I really went through not just the outside emotions of it all. I want to go back to Poland. I don't think that California will have a hold on me much longer. I'm trying to figure out the next step in my life and I'm waiting for Gods plan to show itself.

You know God answers prayers in funny ways sometimes. Whats so funny about it... well I'm not sur if even I kow the full of it yet. You and I will just have to be pateint.

What I'm Working On...

Object: To allow high school students to gain a more intimate knowledge of incidents or genocide or persecution on a more personal level by allowing them to experience sites and museums that document the incidents first hand, exposing them to experts and survivors, and allowing them to research aspects of genocide or persecution that interest them. In culmination of their learning the participants would be expected to organize and event which allowed them to share what they had experienced over the last year.

this is whats going through my head right now... that and the aspect of knitting a 100+ tiny slugs before July 9th

Crashing Waves

Sometimes emotions hit so hard. They drown you in this never ending wave... or at least it seems that way. You can't get a brake and you're constantly trying to get up to the surface but you just can't.

Some thing has been frustrating me lately... and its people. It seems that the people in my area are incredibly self centered. They focus on themselves or what they need and don't really try to see whatsbeyond them. Thy don't want to give apart of themselves. They forget what others are saying or don't deem it important enough to care about it. And even though I know I am guilty of it too I am seeing it more prevolant now. It just so sad. I'm not sure how to get poeple to care... if its something that they need to see and want to do. Teens in lompoc want to get out of here so badly yet they are so self centered that they can only focus on Lompoc.

Iam so tired of giving and not really getting anything for myself. I just want someone to pop out of the blue and say "Rachel! I love you and lets go and do something sooo fun I know you'll love it! I want to be with you for awhile!" This Poland trip is really draining me. I don't think I can keep this up much longer and not get anything in return. Plus right now I am unfortunately in a really low emotional state which doesn't really help.

In the book of James, James writes about how our trials will eventually lead us to be perfect and complete. While that can be comforting its often hard to focus on that in this storm. I just need to focus on Jesus and let Him be the beacon in this storm, but I still need some sort of uplifting sooner rather than later.

a change of heart

I was going to write about the latest challenge but something happened last night... and it changed well my life. Have you ever learned about something and its changed your life path just a little? The first time it happened to me was in the 4th grade and it was about the Holocaust. That learning expierence has influenced my life ever since I realized what it is. Last night the latest one happened... I learned who Joseph Kony is...

I'm sure by now many of you know who Joseph Kony is but just in case you haven't watched the 27 minute video or checked out wikipedia or are just plain smart heres the low down.... Joseph Kony is a jerk (well someone had to put it like that).
He is the leader of the Lords Resistance Army in Central Africa and for 26 years he has been reeking havoc in the lives of the people there. It has taken children and made them into child soldiers and prostitutes for his armies. He has made kids murder thier parents, killed countless cilivians ruined lives for what? nothing... just to maintian control over the people.
I can honestly tell you that before last night I had no clue who Joseph Kony was... I had heard of the Lord Resistance Army (LRA) and I knew what atrocities were happening in central africa but I never really associated it one man leading it... I don't think I had even thought about it. As followers of Christ we are called ot care after widows and orhpans... but what about orphans who have been forced to kill their parents and friends? What have we done for the childrens whose childhoods have been lost? How can we stop it?
In history we have seen atrocities stopped in many differnt ways and whether it is peaceful or through violence the first step is to raise awareness about what is actually going on in our world and that is what Invisible Children has chosen to do this year. To make Joseph Kony a famous man so people will choose to take action.
I cannot state as eloquently as this video states why they are doing it or how they will go about it. I cannot state I know that everything about Invisible Children is good. You need to decide that for youself. I can only share with you what I believe and what I know
I know that for 30 minutes last night I watched on my tiny iPhone this documentry on Joseph Kony. I know that I learned that there is ONE MAN behind the LRA and he has not been stopped. I know his name. I know how I can help raise awarness about him. I know that this is spreading like wildfire. I know that me sharing this with you won't directly affect his capture but you might just decide to take action too. My heart is breaking for these children who can't be children because thier childhoos have been stolen.... and they have been stolen for way too long.
I am 26 years old and that is how long Kony has been at it. I want this year to be the year that Kony is captured. I want him to be so famous that he cannot walk down a street in Central Africa without people knowing who he is..... or where ever he is now. I want someone out there to gather thier courage and point thier finger at him and get him arrested. I want justice for these kids. And I want YOU to be informed.
Yesterday I had no want to pray for anywhere in Africa... so many pray for it every day (and they should! I just didn't feel called to do it) Today thats changed. I want Kony brought to justice and I will not stop until he's in jail.

I will not give up.

You should be informed. You should backup everything I say. Start here and work your way out
http://vimeo.com/37119711

I'll write my lent post later this week... I'll "see'" you then

Relentless:What is your inspiration to sacrifice?

The challenge this week is to redecorate your life with your inspiration to sacrifice... well to be honest I'm not sure what it is that makes me want to sacrifice.... All I could think about is Christ...

I can openly say that I am the person I am today because Christ has made me so... Do I still have my faults? Yes of course! But my life has improved so much because Christ hasmade me new and I am continue to strive to make myself more like Him.

Being reminded why I am the way I am doesn't always have to be a picture that I see but it sure is helpful to see. As I spoke with a friend from Bible School this week she told me that even in the hard times she knows that God is going to get her through it and thats what keeps her going.... I can't even say I've done that. Its all about total surrender in order to find your freedom in Christ. Its about being reminded to let go of everything and to trust that God is really going to come through for you.

So I've changed my laptop background, my iPhone wallpaper to remember that Christ comes first and everything else just follows. My fb profile is of me in Spain in front of a centuries old synangog... why you ask? to remind me of my past in the Jewish community and thier want to go out help others and to accept others. To fight for those who cannot or do not have a voice. I've started to write down my prayers at night to be more focused in my walk with God. I know there is a lot more I could do to strengthen it but small steps lead to giant bounds.

Even this week I have found myself surrounded by students who I never thought I would ever be able to talk to... I even got a hug from one of them. Jesus listens to all our problems and we often neglect to listen to others troubles....

I'm still looking for things that inspire me... things that I can put up so that I can be made aware of the gift I am given every day. Its hard and I'm struggling to figure out what they are but I have a feeling that it'll all work out in the end.

Relentless: What is Sacrifice?

Did you know that Lent begins tomorrow? Every year people give up something that they deem vital to their lives so that they can feel a tiny portion of pain that Jesus felt for us. My mom has told me that her grandfather, Pat, would give up smoking every year. He would suffer through the withdrawls and the coughing and the pain for the 40 days of Lent... Just to remind us of what Jesus did for us...

I have to admit I have been pretty unsuccessful participating in Lent in the past. I always mean well but it never really goes the way it outta... I always give up. Well thats a small untruth I have read my Bible every day of lent! But the sacrifice that others give during lent never really makes an impression on me. I can always focus on whats here and now... not what I'm missing out on.

This year I am taking a different path for Lent. I have decided to participate in World Visions Relentless: act:s of sacrifice. Its a series of challenges put forth over the next 6 weeks to help us better realize the meaning of sacrifice. The first challenge if to think about what we are willing to sacrifice...
As I've said before its always hard for me to sacrifice because my mind just doesn't process it after awhile. I can't give up my phone or computer. I'm not down with giving up soda anymore... I don't smoke or drink or play any game obssesively. I don't have friends nearby so I can't give up a social outlet... So I started thinking about what aspects of myself should I give up... and it hit me... I need to give up my fear and laziness. I have these irrational fears (that probably most everyone has) like people won't like me, or forget about me, or don't care, that people don't like what I make for them. So this lenten season I'm gonna make hats and just give them away. I am going to put more effort into writing to people and making authentic connections with those I have around me. And for laziness... well I am going to clean my room (that will be a process) and not "forget" to call someone. I will look around me, persue things that I feel passionate about (i.e. people) and just get stuff done! And if I need to give up something for reals... I'm not going to buy anything craft related until Easter (2 exceptions... I'm making a blanket for a friends wedding and that project is exempt AND I'm buying some watercolors... tomorrow so that'll slide beneath the lent line right?). And to top it off I'm going to keep track of it here and in my own journal.

The picture above somewhat sums up what I deem sacrfice to be. To me sacrifice strips everything that you hold dear... the objects, the people and you can finally just rely on God and can feel His power. You can't take anything with you. Just the faith that God will get you through it all in one piece.

Happy Lent people. I hope your sacrifice this season is one that makes you think.

social interactions

whew... this week has been a week. I've spent 2 weeks subbing at my old high school which has been a trip. It takes a lot out of you to be around teenagers for sometimes 11 hours a day. I really love subbing and it was super nice to get to know the kids there and develope relationships of them but it also makes me super aware of how lonely I am here in Lompoc. There have been some really high moments this week like teaching someone what Pearl Harbor was, or being told I'm a great sub, being asked to come back and teach, being told secrets or the local gossip but coming home on friday from a basketball game made me realize that this is a lonely life I'm living right now.

The majority of my social interactions happen with students these days and its a very thin line you walk when they want to be "friends" outside of school. You can't really be yourself or at least be fully yourself. You must constantly sensor youself. I miss not having an option of being fully me... or being called my first name. I've been called my last name by a lot of kids because of camp but when a student dos it at school it hits a nerve sometimes. so sad....

I know I've groaned about this before but I am desperate for a friend close by. Someone to goof off with, to talk crap with, to be slightly immature at times, someone to have adventures with, who'll not laugh when I need a new profile picture (and take the picture), someone to go out into this world and to show christ to them... to show christ to the world! My house can be so smothering at times... I have no way to get out and be free.

I was suppose to go to a bridal shower today in LA but I didn't go... money, energy, my perpetual awkwardness at parties. And then Tuesday is Valentines day? Sorry even when I was in a relationship I wasn't overly fond of this holiday. Maybe I'll sub at a school with a valentines day party... oooo I do love valentines candy... But even though to day is lame I do like what it stands for... love. Thanks be to God for giving us love and to Jesus for showing what it can do.