whew... this week has been a week. I've spent 2 weeks subbing at my old high school which has been a trip. It takes a lot out of you to be around teenagers for sometimes 11 hours a day. I really love subbing and it was super nice to get to know the kids there and develope relationships of them but it also makes me super aware of how lonely I am here in Lompoc. There have been some really high moments this week like teaching someone what Pearl Harbor was, or being told I'm a great sub, being asked to come back and teach, being told secrets or the local gossip but coming home on friday from a basketball game made me realize that this is a lonely life I'm living right now.
The majority of my social interactions happen with students these days and its a very thin line you walk when they want to be "friends" outside of school. You can't really be yourself or at least be fully yourself. You must constantly sensor youself. I miss not having an option of being fully me... or being called my first name. I've been called my last name by a lot of kids because of camp but when a student dos it at school it hits a nerve sometimes. so sad....
I know I've groaned about this before but I am desperate for a friend close by. Someone to goof off with, to talk crap with, to be slightly immature at times, someone to have adventures with, who'll not laugh when I need a new profile picture (and take the picture), someone to go out into this world and to show christ to them... to show christ to the world! My house can be so smothering at times... I have no way to get out and be free.
I was suppose to go to a bridal shower today in LA but I didn't go... money, energy, my perpetual awkwardness at parties. And then Tuesday is Valentines day? Sorry even when I was in a relationship I wasn't overly fond of this holiday. Maybe I'll sub at a school with a valentines day party... oooo I do love valentines candy... But even though to day is lame I do like what it stands for... love. Thanks be to God for giving us love and to Jesus for showing what it can do.